I have decided to stop communications with the man I pine for and have eternally in the back of my mind. This man is never far from my thoughts, especially sexually. We were lovers briefly, what feels like a lifetime ago, but it was an awakening for me that I hadn't anticipated. It was a fantastic, scary, cautious, surprising, fleeting time for both of us, and we've expressed our love for each other since. We've been friends for most of my adult life. Longer than I've known my (soon to be ex-) husband. I rarely go a whole day without thoughts of him at some point or another; "what would he think of these shoes, he would LOVE this band, ooo, he'd like this picture or web site." A good number of posts on Night Moves are about him.
We've been on again, off again friends as our marriages have allowed for the last 15 years. Words are useless (especially sentences) to describe how engrained in me this man is. It will be one of, if not THE most difficult decision I've made to stop talking to him. But, he's always chosen to stay where he is and I have accepted that. How can I explain how I feel? It's impossible. I have decided in order to be the best ME I can be, I can't continue to wish about IF and WHEN we might be together.
Music has always played a huge roll for us and Madonna was there when we got together, so I felt this song especially fitting for my good bye. I leave with one of the exchanges we've shared over the years on a blog we kept for each other:
Ideal situation, take notes (if you didn’t already):
1. Breathing/biting on my back sweet spot
2. Grabbing my tit
3. Rubbing my clit
4. Getting fucked from behind (even better in the ass)
Yum.
(his response)
It has been noted. And often fantasized about. Much like it is right now…Mmmm.
Daffodils and Daisies my love
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