Alone, lonely

I am feeling alone, and lonely tonight. I have been checking my secret stash to no avail. There have been no presents left for me. It's disapointing to get all worked up over it (meanwhile in the back of my mind saying, there's nothing, he didn't say ANYTHING), then, nothing. The restrictions on the communication drive me BATTY. I really enjoy the back and forth banter, the playfulness, the teasing. But that's not an option right now, and it makes me so, so sad.

I am at my horny point of the month, so needless to say it's a little more disapointing than usual. And I am a little more wet than usual (though honestly it's hard to top the constant wetness that is "me") and longing for some kissing more than usual. Sigh. I am imagining one short month away at this point. It's a self imposed restriction. I could likely create an online profile now and start dating. But, I don't feel like I should. I feel like I should wait until I am officially divorced. I need the papers. I need permission. I need to take my ring off the day of the court date. Which btw, has to wait to be scheduled until we've both taken our parenting class (next week).
I am looking forward to my San Carlos trip over Memorial Day weekend. We looked at places to rent tonight. Hopefully we'll find a great steal and have a lovely time. I could use some beach time.

Til then, I'll keep looking, and hoping, and waiting and knowing that I care.

*sigh*