Weird spot

I am in a weird mood today. D mentioned via email this morning that he'd had a girl over to the house last night. This was only after I had txt'd him last night to ask if I could call him. Didn't hear back from him for awhile, then his response was "Out for a bit." To which I replied, "Going to bed, night." I was pretty sure he was on a date, even though that wasn't the "protocol" we discussed which would have been "I am busy." Semantics I know, but, out for a bit could have been with buddies, his son etc.

This morning I get an email letting me know that he had someone over, she's interested in getting into a more serious relationship with him, but he's losing interest because he just thinks about me when he's with other people. And "did I do that?"

Well, yeah.

So now I am in this mental funk visualizing him having someone at his house. Where I sit. Where I eat. Where I am.

Not likin' those thoughts very much.

And now I get where he was coming from when we discussed me and my dates in the past. I really thought that I wasn't the jealous type. Does it mean I care more than I thought because it bothers me? That's his take on it when I shared how I felt. I dunno. It may just be part of my expansion and growing through the dating process.

I will say, I cut it off tonight with 3 guys I had gone out on dates with. I did it over text too, is that TOTALY gutless or what? Something along the lines of "I feel like I am not being completely upfront with you. After mentally reviewing our evening, I didn't feel a connection on my part with you. So I wouldn't mind staying in touch with you as friends, but I think that would be the extent of it. No hard feelings?"
They were all very gracious and replied with, no hard feelings, best of luck etc. I just felt like I was leading them all on with the hopes that, oh, they may invite me to their house in San Carlos, etc. Lame. Materialistic. User. I didn't like thinking of myself that way. So, I cut it off. Feel better about myself now. Which is great. And a start. Now I just need to work on those other things I am having an issue with myself over:
Running
Parenting
Time Management
Staying on task at work

That's a good list to start with. I am pretty happy beyond that to be honest. But we all have those little areas we feel like we could improve ourselves. I need to start using "can do" statements. I CAN do that. I can find/make the time to run more to help me keep my weight at a level I want, I can be a better mom, I can be a better, more productive employee etc. Also using these with my kids. Already noticing a difference. Seems to be a good start.

For HNT I'll do one of my "thoughtful" poses. Be sure to check out Os to see who else is playing.

The Mysterious Dafs

Ok ya'll I have been SO busy at work and in my personal life that this has just fallen to the wayside a bit. I actually have several posts that I just haven't even gotten to the web yet. And MAN are they good. Let's just say, Katy Perry "I kissed a girl" will be the chosen song. : ) And I think I liked it.
Kansas City was a blast, dating has been fun/disappointing/entertaining etc. D is still around, still enjoying LOTS of time with him. Still just dating.
Work work work work work and then I work some more. Then I rush around for a date and D and then the kids come and I barely have time to RUN much less blog. Maybe I should utilize the email to blog option more...
Well, anyway.
I shot tons of HNT photos while I was in KC, but they are all at home and I am being bad and posting from work. I haven't even been reading other blogs, I am so behind.

I will try my hardest to post a few things this weekend, photos included and the recounting of how I kissed a girl.
Until then I'll leave you with this one of me, which goes with the forthcoming one night stand story...
Smooches!
; )

Your Love, your love

I have to admit I like this song. She's a HORRIBLE singer, but the tune manages to plant itself in my brain and won't get out, (wait, that's a place a cat can go) won't leave. It's ridiculous.

So roomie went out with a guy tonight so I ran by myself. 6 miles to the closest casino, then worked out. How else am I going to get to one of the bodies below? This is a collection of photos that inspire me that I made my desktop.

Yum and a bunch more of yum. Good inspiration for the up coming trip we're planning to San Carlos over Memorial Day weekend. Whohoo!!

I filed for the default today. Now I can call tomorrow and actually get my court date. Lookin' at June 8th to be divorced. How's that work for ya'll? Everyone free? I was reading the Ethical Slut V2 at lunch today and while I was waiting for my turn. I've changed my quote under Night Moves to more accurately reflect the mood.

So I LOVE reading Dooce and you should check out her post from today. Hi Lair E Us. I love her humor. She made working out funny. I aspire to that. She's my lunch time guilty pleasure along with MLIA. Some of them are totally made up, but you can skip past to the ones that make you laugh.

I was supposed to meet a coworker for coffee today (casual, no biggie) and I totally got the skeeves about it so I bailed. It was ODD. He's married, he knows I am married (and getting divorced), he's made comments about how attractive he thinks I am but the feeling is not reciprocal nor have I ever indicated it was. In fact he reminds me SO much of C, but times 10. And I have told him that, and he keeps coming back for more. So I need to keep it to IMing and I will likely have to tame that down. I have to admit I like the attention though. Bad me.

Also, I finally was able to apologize to B for a comment I made over a year ago. We haven't spoken since then, at his request. I tried reconnecting with him recently, no response. He actually needed something from me today that was work related so he ASKED SOMEONE ELSE TO ASK ME FOR IT. It was ridiculous. So I sent him a note saying that I wished he had just asked me himself and that I thought it was sad our former friendship had dissolved to this. I said I wish you the best in your future. Then I felt like I hadn't said enough, so I sent one more email saying, "I sincerely apologize for anything I might have said that offended you, that was never the intent." What else are you supposed to do when you tell a guy you're not interested in him sexually but you enjoy his friendship? Sheesh, I lost a good friend over that (or apparently not). As J said, "B is an idiot." But, I apologized today, and now I am going to move away with a clear conscious.

So, I am back onto Lost. I checked into ABC last night and realized that ALL the episodes are posted, YAY so I was able to go back as far as I had missed. So, I am going to check out one more tonight before I call it quits. Enjoy Ke$ha. I am on listen #10 or so at this point. Lol (rolling eyes).