Welcome back

Who knew she could sing. This song has been stuck in my head for days since BTE sent it to me after our first night.

It's been awhile, but I've been having such fun. Let me esplain. No, it is too much, let me sum up.
D and I were together for a year, but we've broken up. Now, dream of all dreams, BTE and I have connected and I am loving it. He's already addicted, as am I. I can only imagine where this will lead and I am really excited about it.

I can't believe I've been divorced over a year. The date slipped right by me, only to be noted a week later on my first "date" with BTE. It was more important that it marked a year (and ending) with D and a new beginning with BTE. I didn't expect to get involved with him, nor have it progress so quickly. Someone described me as a serial monogomist and I would have to agree. As much as BTW and I were both looking forward to some alone time, that just didn't happen. I am toying again with asking him if he wants to take a break, but I don't think he'll want to, and nor do I, really. It's just been 4 years coming with him and I am super excited with how it's working out. I literally made myself available for him. We're going to see Sade and Def Leppard soon and I'm really excited about it. He loves music as much as I do, maybe more, which I find really sexy. Among many other things about him including his amazing intellect, sarcastic witty sense of humor, his willingness to share his emotions, goals and plans for the future and not the least, his ability to turn me on, and on, and on.

Looking forward to many, many happy moments to come. This is his favorite spot, so I'll post again.

Alone, lonely

I am feeling alone, and lonely tonight. I have been checking my secret stash to no avail. There have been no presents left for me. It's disapointing to get all worked up over it (meanwhile in the back of my mind saying, there's nothing, he didn't say ANYTHING), then, nothing. The restrictions on the communication drive me BATTY. I really enjoy the back and forth banter, the playfulness, the teasing. But that's not an option right now, and it makes me so, so sad.

I am at my horny point of the month, so needless to say it's a little more disapointing than usual. And I am a little more wet than usual (though honestly it's hard to top the constant wetness that is "me") and longing for some kissing more than usual. Sigh. I am imagining one short month away at this point. It's a self imposed restriction. I could likely create an online profile now and start dating. But, I don't feel like I should. I feel like I should wait until I am officially divorced. I need the papers. I need permission. I need to take my ring off the day of the court date. Which btw, has to wait to be scheduled until we've both taken our parenting class (next week).
I am looking forward to my San Carlos trip over Memorial Day weekend. We looked at places to rent tonight. Hopefully we'll find a great steal and have a lovely time. I could use some beach time.

Til then, I'll keep looking, and hoping, and waiting and knowing that I care.

*sigh*

Your Love, your love

I have to admit I like this song. She's a HORRIBLE singer, but the tune manages to plant itself in my brain and won't get out, (wait, that's a place a cat can go) won't leave. It's ridiculous.

So roomie went out with a guy tonight so I ran by myself. 6 miles to the closest casino, then worked out. How else am I going to get to one of the bodies below? This is a collection of photos that inspire me that I made my desktop.

Yum and a bunch more of yum. Good inspiration for the up coming trip we're planning to San Carlos over Memorial Day weekend. Whohoo!!

I filed for the default today. Now I can call tomorrow and actually get my court date. Lookin' at June 8th to be divorced. How's that work for ya'll? Everyone free? I was reading the Ethical Slut V2 at lunch today and while I was waiting for my turn. I've changed my quote under Night Moves to more accurately reflect the mood.

So I LOVE reading Dooce and you should check out her post from today. Hi Lair E Us. I love her humor. She made working out funny. I aspire to that. She's my lunch time guilty pleasure along with MLIA. Some of them are totally made up, but you can skip past to the ones that make you laugh.

I was supposed to meet a coworker for coffee today (casual, no biggie) and I totally got the skeeves about it so I bailed. It was ODD. He's married, he knows I am married (and getting divorced), he's made comments about how attractive he thinks I am but the feeling is not reciprocal nor have I ever indicated it was. In fact he reminds me SO much of C, but times 10. And I have told him that, and he keeps coming back for more. So I need to keep it to IMing and I will likely have to tame that down. I have to admit I like the attention though. Bad me.

Also, I finally was able to apologize to B for a comment I made over a year ago. We haven't spoken since then, at his request. I tried reconnecting with him recently, no response. He actually needed something from me today that was work related so he ASKED SOMEONE ELSE TO ASK ME FOR IT. It was ridiculous. So I sent him a note saying that I wished he had just asked me himself and that I thought it was sad our former friendship had dissolved to this. I said I wish you the best in your future. Then I felt like I hadn't said enough, so I sent one more email saying, "I sincerely apologize for anything I might have said that offended you, that was never the intent." What else are you supposed to do when you tell a guy you're not interested in him sexually but you enjoy his friendship? Sheesh, I lost a good friend over that (or apparently not). As J said, "B is an idiot." But, I apologized today, and now I am going to move away with a clear conscious.

So, I am back onto Lost. I checked into ABC last night and realized that ALL the episodes are posted, YAY so I was able to go back as far as I had missed. So, I am going to check out one more tonight before I call it quits. Enjoy Ke$ha. I am on listen #10 or so at this point. Lol (rolling eyes).

New and improved

Just Say Yes new Snow Patrol. I heard this the other day at Sonic (gimmie one of your tots) and looked it up as soon as I got to work. Who's been to a planetarium show? Anyone? Fun. This would be a great song to have on while you're proposing to someone. "I can feel your  heart beat through my shirt." I love the sly smile he maintains through the video, so sexy. Makes you wonder what he's thinking. It was followed on Sonic radio by Mandy Moore, Candy, she's like 12, lol! "I'm cravin for you."

Ok, I finally got around to using the new Blogger Template Designer and it looks like I REALLY want it to look. So, sorry for the alterations, again. But this is what I hoped it would look like orginally, but I just couldn't find a template to reflect the mood.

I have cooled off since the cell phone debacle of this afternoon. After this much effort put into this situation I am done. So I won't be getting another cell phone until February of next year. No qwerty kwyboard for me ya'll! Oh well.

9:14 and the kids are asleep, yay! This is night #2 when they stayed in their beds. But they got up 6 times through the night last night so I am sleeeeppppyyyy. Enough playing for now, I haven't even hit the other blogs. I didn't make it to the court either to file for the default. There is really no rush at this point. The end date is based upon the initial filing, not this one. But I can't call for a court date until I file this paperwork. So, because I have the kids tomorrow, I'll probably go in after work on Monday. Then I can call for my date. Yay!

Let's see what yummyness I can leave you with tonight. Thoughts of divorce vacation dance in my head...

Sleep well.

We have Liftoff!!

I got a rocket, you're goin' on it. You're never comin' back.

Well I finally got my mifi, whohoooo! I am so pleased I don't have to be polite about who's using the internet anymore. I like using it whenever the hell I want to, not after roomie is done. Though she was very agreeable about the whole thing. If she doesn't have cable, I am going to need access to the internet. The end. And I don't even want to talk about the cell phone debacle at this point. Let's suffice to say I don't have it yet.

I can officially file for the default tomorrow. I will have to take some time off work to make that happen. I'll keep ya posted. I keep meaning to say that I loved the fact that this was the song that was playing as I was driving to file for divorce. "If I could see the future and see how this plays out, I bet it's better than where we are now..."
 
Ran again for the first time tonight since I hurt my knee. It hurts again. Probably good I don't run while I have the kids, that will give it a few days to heal again.
 
Got a random phone call today from bte that made me blush and giggle. I enjoy him.
And that's it for tonight my friends. I'll leave you with a dreamy glimpse of my new panties.
Sleep tight. ; )

Irony

New band Breaking Benjamin I also recently discovered and bought American Weapon  Click on listen. I liked them all, but Sweet Marlene the best I think.

Home because K is sick. He's sleeping, I am watching Slumdog Millionaire. It's good, but very sad.

So I mentioned that I had filed my divorce papers. It was a nice moment, but a little bit ironic. After 40 minutes or so, I got my turn at the counter and the clerk started flipping through all my papers.
"Raise your right hand."
Uh, ok (I raise my right hand)
"Do you swear that the information in these forms is true to the best of your knowledge?"
I do?
Full circle I guess. Starts with "I do" ends with "I do."

I miss you. I wish we could be together. I wish I knew how you were doing. The silence kills me. I wish we could touch, hug, hold, caress, entice, stroke, whisper, tantilize, whip into a frenzy then enjoy.

I miss you.

38.5, 35, 39.5

Sexy Chick

Random thoughts for the evening:
Roomie is out until Sat, so I, at the very least, have access to the internet for a couple of days. She insisted we don't need 2 wireless cards, so I feel obligated to let her have the first go at the internet in the evening. Since we both go to bed around 10 - 10:30 this means she uses it for most of the time I am free to do it. Thus, no posts for awhile. Probably a good thing, I would likely bore my 1 follower (yay!) with the mundane.

Well, I am trying to become the new and improved me. I am still reading The Ethical Slut and it's really good. In this part I am learning how not to be jealous, or rather, how not to let jealousy take over. You just have to feel it, accept it and move through it. It's helping to enlighten me. I am glad I am reading it. I am finding it applies to parenting as well, so there has been much less yelling which is AWESOME. And something to feel good about at the end of the night, rather than wishing I had behaved differently. A step in the right direction.

I recently discovered that Alexa has been answering questions online at Formspring, which I am not familiar with. http://www.formspring.me/AlexaRPD It's so cool being able to send her a question (no account needed, sweeeeeet) and have her answer immediately (well ok within a couple of minutes). I think I sent 10 or so questions. See if you can figure out which are mine : ). Also she's been posting on her blog again, which I have been DESPIRATE to read, but unable. I haven't even linked to her on this blog because she had gone silent. I will link to her today. She's sooooo great and I LOVE reading her.

The kids stayed in bed 2 nights in a row now, so much easier than fighting with them for 2 hours. Yay. Maybe it's the new improved calm me helping the situation? I like to think so. But to give them credit, I think the "newness" has worn off too, which is great.

I filed for divorce on Monday and served him yesterday. He now has 20 days to respond, which he has said he won't. Which means I then count down until the 27th, and file for a default. Then we wait for a court date, but it will be final in 60 days. It is all still going very smoothly and I am glad I am taking it slowly and not rushing anything. I have been told I need to find a club like this. Maybe on the Cancun divorce trip? It seemed a bit more "entertainment" not like something you join, but rather something you watch. But hey, that's what divorce parties are for right?

Wanna know the difference between 6/8 and 8/10?
Roomie                Me
35          boobs    38.5
33          waist      35 (at the belly button)
37          hip         39.5
22          thigh      23
14.25     calf        15
12          bicep     11.25
138        lbs         150 (lowest I have been since I started college, 18 years ago)

We decided to measure and keep track since we're working out and running 3-4 days a week. It's a good system, I refuse to let her get out of running when we get home and then she refuses to let me out of working out. I can already see a difference in the arms, which is my worst area. She's got great guns and that's what I picture when I am feebly doing mine. But I am getting better, and Tuesday I did 2 pull ups when I hadn't even been able to get up, much less pull before that. I try the chin up bar every time we work out and she said one day, "You're the most determined person I know." I laughed and said, "After you right?" We're a good team. Maybe I'll take photos and post too. At some point I want to join in the HNT party.

More tomorrow after I've had time to enjoy the internet and all it's glory again. I am feeling disconnected and wonder what all my girls are doing.