Jilling off - fantasy #2

Bel Canto Shimmering Warm and Bright One of my MOST favorite groups. They paint beautiful images with their music. Unicorn is the perfect example.

"Dont be ashamed of what u do if it makes you happy."
Alexa being profound again and delivering a sex positive message via twitter.
I created a new twitter account so that I won't have any problems what with all the people being Dooced on a regular basis. "DafsNightmoves" if you care. Not much of a tweeter, but hopefully things will pick up soon.

I spent some alone time today contemplating "things." I have become more aware of how much I rely on sex to make me feel better and improve my mood, especially when I am pms-ing. I LOVE having sex and I used to look forward to the accessibility of a cock, when I wanted one. I very rarely got turned down. But I have not had any cock available since before March and I am feeling a little empty. My toys just don't fill my wet cunt the same way. I have to imagine what might be happening if you were there, filling me up instead.

I woke up this morning after a dream so real in which I was on the verge of orgasm. I was dripping wet. Roomie had stayed over at her new SO's so I had the place to myself. I lounged on the bed, enjoying my alone time and ventured idly down to my wetness. Mmmmmmm. I love when I am ready to go, no work required. It was windy as all hell here today and the drapes were flying in the breeze as I spread my legs so I could reach my private space.

I dipped two fingers all the way in to coat them with my girl gloss. (All the better to fuck you with my dear.)  My fingers wander up to my clit, sending a little shiver through me. I look down through my tight breasts and hold my pussy lips open with one had, clit firmly grasped between 2 fingers of other hand. Rolling, rolling, flicking. Dip in, more gloss. It looks so hot from this view, I wonder how it would look to you? I need someone to take photos and show me. I am thinking of this and it makes me even more wet.

Dip in, more gloss. My fingers continue the rubbing and rolling on my clit. I have a typical pattern, most people do I think. I use the left side, it's not as eruptive as the right side. If I am feeling like I really need to let loose the right side is the way I go. No mess today, so my fingers linger to the left of my clit, rubbing, stroking.

I am imagining you in between my legs, I can see your eyes over my clit, mouth firmly attached, fingers probing my folds. I start to rock back and forth, imagining a cock filling me, fucking me. I am rolling my hips against your mouth, moving faster and faster as you get closer and closer. I think about WND and our phone calls, how we had phone sex one Sunday afternoon. He left a friend's house to come home and jack off with me. "What are you wearing?" I ask him. Shorts, he says. We whisper thoughts to each other, what we would do, what we want done. He finishes first and enourages me to my end. I whisper, "I am so wet, I am going to get everything all wet!" He laughs, (so SEXY) "That's the idea." I LOVE that he laughed, was comfortable enough to do it. It makes me even more wet just thinking about it.

My breath catches, my stomach starts to clench and my thighs start to twitch and I imagine I am clenching your head to my wetness. Dip in, more gloss. Fingers furiously rubbing now, ass rocking against the bed, legs spread wide and I'm coming! I arch my back and moan raggedly as the stars take over my vision.

I lick the gloss off my fingers, wishing it was you.

He loves me, he loves me not

I'm not myself tonight, Christina Aguilera's new single. It's yummy and so is the video, hhhoooootttt! I counted 12 outfit changes. It seems she has a latex fetish happening. Or maybe that's just her alter persona. We all have one. Or two...

I have been doing some soul searching lately and been trying to analyze why I continue with some of my self destructive behaviors. So in an effort to be the best ME, I am stopping some of those things. And pursing others that I've let fall to the side. Being honest with myself is a start, then that radiates out to others. Other feelings, other decisions, other people, etc.

Well, just an update. Wrong Number Dave has apparently lost that lovin' feeling. Haven't heard from him in a few weeks at this point. No biggie. He was a fabulous starting point and helped me with some additions to my list. What list? you ask. Oh, well Astrologer Dawn insists that everyone create a list of all of the qualities you're looking for in a man. And then a list of all the qualities you have to offer in a relationship. It's a working document, obviously. And each man at the "Man Mall" as she has dubbed it, will help me to get closer to the "ideal" partner for me. I am looking forward to fine tuning it. Maybe I'll post it another time.

Until then I am looking, but not touching.

I'll leave you with a favorite photo. She's entirely too skinny for my tastes, but it's a great photo with the many implications. It has stopped me every time I've come across it on Alexa's tumblr. It resonates as SEXY to me. Good night.

Who am I to disagree?

I think this is the best song to represent ME. I really love it. I never get tired of it and every time it's on I develop the sly smile. I have always thought it was incredibly sexy, the thought that "...some of them want to abuse you, some them want to be abused..." I was 9 when this came out and it was my first hint that things aren't always "vanilla." There ARE people into the thought of pain being pleasure. No wonder I always smile when I hear it. A perfect example of this mentality is Alexa's latest post. Check it out. HAWT! I LOVE anal, it's right up there with being munched. Good stuff.

I had a great night with the kids tonight. It didn't all go as planned, but we made time to watch the beautiful sunset and I explained how the earth revolves on it's axis (Mom what's an axis?) and how it rotates around the sun which creates the sky changing from day to night. Then K decided he didn't want to do his homework. Well, what do you say to a 6 year old when he says that? Ok, you'll have to do it tomorrow. Then we got ready for bed, and read a book, which evolved into K reading the book, which was WAY cool! He can (mostly) read! It was awesome. So, I just enjoyed the moment, no yelling, no arguing, no fussing, just fun. It was great. Now they are up there, quiet, staying in their beds, hopefully asleep. You can't ask for much more than that.
Big smiles.

This song is also a favorite of mine. You don't hear it nearly enough any more, too bad.
One more Lost down, 5 or 6 to go.
My new night shirt, yes it's a little chilly. : )

Sleep tight.

Tired

Have I told you about Elbow yet...? Yum, just yum. You can't go wrong with any Elbow. They give me goosebumps every time I listen. They move my heart. It's beautiful, aching, memorable music to drown in and find yourself in another place with sweeping views and grand vistas while floating above the water that speeds by below you. "We kissed like we invented it." *sigh* I LOVE Elbow.

It's Wednesday and I am tired. I was just browsing through Alexa's page because she has a lovely new post on hair pulling. She's so damn great and informative. I am so glad she's written a few more posts as of late. I love reading her and perusing her page, which is how 20 minutes online turned into 40, lol. She's always good for a wander.

Didn't get the phones. Grrrr. They have sworn they will have them tomorrow. We'll see.

So I was sitting at work today and realized how much I miss kissing. It's so great to have someone to kiss at will. And now that I don't, I miss it. I honestly think that a good kiss could progress things from "hello" to "HE-LLOO-and-where-the-hell-have-you-been?"
Soon.

I need to get to bed, I have been up until almost 11 the last 3 nights and I don't do well with that. I need my 8 hours. Let one of my favorite images from Alexa settle you in (or get you started?) for the night. Nite nite

It's Thursday

And I may break your heart, but I don't think there's anyone as bomb as me.

At some point I will start participating in HNT, but I haven't yet.
I have been moody and down as of late. I miss him. The chatting but not chatting doesn't help. It just makes me want more. But then I do really enjoy it as well. It's that catch 22, the dichotomy of my life.
Grrrr.

I helped roomie color her hair. It was her birthday 2 days ago so I made her dinner and a cake last night.

I was tweeting with Alexa yesterday about suppressing my gag reflex. She reminded me about her post regarding that subject. I reread it, and remembered that you had sent it to me originally. It was such a turn on to chat with her directly. If you aren't aware of her, please stop by and <>check her out. She's so eloquent and I love her writing.

I am trying to go back and add images that I find on her tumbler to my previous posts to further illustrate. If you had one you like you might want check back and see if it's new and improved yet.

Til then, I have to give back the internet to my roomie. I am hoping this will be remedied this weekend when I'll be purchasing <>a mifi. Looking forward to my <>new phone too.

38.5, 35, 39.5

Sexy Chick

Random thoughts for the evening:
Roomie is out until Sat, so I, at the very least, have access to the internet for a couple of days. She insisted we don't need 2 wireless cards, so I feel obligated to let her have the first go at the internet in the evening. Since we both go to bed around 10 - 10:30 this means she uses it for most of the time I am free to do it. Thus, no posts for awhile. Probably a good thing, I would likely bore my 1 follower (yay!) with the mundane.

Well, I am trying to become the new and improved me. I am still reading The Ethical Slut and it's really good. In this part I am learning how not to be jealous, or rather, how not to let jealousy take over. You just have to feel it, accept it and move through it. It's helping to enlighten me. I am glad I am reading it. I am finding it applies to parenting as well, so there has been much less yelling which is AWESOME. And something to feel good about at the end of the night, rather than wishing I had behaved differently. A step in the right direction.

I recently discovered that Alexa has been answering questions online at Formspring, which I am not familiar with. http://www.formspring.me/AlexaRPD It's so cool being able to send her a question (no account needed, sweeeeeet) and have her answer immediately (well ok within a couple of minutes). I think I sent 10 or so questions. See if you can figure out which are mine : ). Also she's been posting on her blog again, which I have been DESPIRATE to read, but unable. I haven't even linked to her on this blog because she had gone silent. I will link to her today. She's sooooo great and I LOVE reading her.

The kids stayed in bed 2 nights in a row now, so much easier than fighting with them for 2 hours. Yay. Maybe it's the new improved calm me helping the situation? I like to think so. But to give them credit, I think the "newness" has worn off too, which is great.

I filed for divorce on Monday and served him yesterday. He now has 20 days to respond, which he has said he won't. Which means I then count down until the 27th, and file for a default. Then we wait for a court date, but it will be final in 60 days. It is all still going very smoothly and I am glad I am taking it slowly and not rushing anything. I have been told I need to find a club like this. Maybe on the Cancun divorce trip? It seemed a bit more "entertainment" not like something you join, but rather something you watch. But hey, that's what divorce parties are for right?

Wanna know the difference between 6/8 and 8/10?
Roomie                Me
35          boobs    38.5
33          waist      35 (at the belly button)
37          hip         39.5
22          thigh      23
14.25     calf        15
12          bicep     11.25
138        lbs         150 (lowest I have been since I started college, 18 years ago)

We decided to measure and keep track since we're working out and running 3-4 days a week. It's a good system, I refuse to let her get out of running when we get home and then she refuses to let me out of working out. I can already see a difference in the arms, which is my worst area. She's got great guns and that's what I picture when I am feebly doing mine. But I am getting better, and Tuesday I did 2 pull ups when I hadn't even been able to get up, much less pull before that. I try the chin up bar every time we work out and she said one day, "You're the most determined person I know." I laughed and said, "After you right?" We're a good team. Maybe I'll take photos and post too. At some point I want to join in the HNT party.

More tomorrow after I've had time to enjoy the internet and all it's glory again. I am feeling disconnected and wonder what all my girls are doing.

Lesson for the day

Instead of a song I am linking to one of my favorite photos on Alexa's page.

If you're going to try anal using your hand, there are certain positions that work better for this as I found out two nights ago. I couldn't sleep so I thought, well I'll jill off and maybe that will work.
Nope.
1 hour later, still awake, try again.
Nope.
It's like 1:30 am now, still awake.
(Ok lets go all out, Wrong Number Dave was talking about licking my ass, etc, we'll see where that takes us.)

So I needed to go the bathroom, so I decided to just stay in there and try, so I could rinse off (always practical this one).
Leaned over with shoulders on counter, right hand to clit, left hand under to ass. Well. That feels good. Especially when I am thinking about him licking my ass. Mmmm.
(Let's lay down, I tend to lose control of my legs if I get going too far along.)
Lay down on my back.
Right hand to clit, left hand to ass, same as before.
Well, that's just awkward now. And I can't get in as far. Hmmmm
(Maybe if I reach around from behind...)

Mmmmmm, that's MUCH better!
Well, that position allows for some really good bucking, which is how I eventually came, 2 fingers in ass. Thinking about him fucking my ass in front of the windows in his 12th story office in SF.
Nice.
So, depending on the position, access to the ass is easier in different ways.

The End.

I did a good amount of porn tonight. Most of it good, oddly. I had 2 rounds of enjoying myself and actually used both hands tonight which I very rarely do. That was really good, esp while I watched this for round one.
This was round 2.
My fingers are coated in my dried pussy juices now.
Mmmmm, it's salty.

Nite nite.

Not cheating if...

Alexa's tweet from a few days ago

I say, applications are being taken within.