It must be that anything else is infinitely more interesting that what he's doing (nothing) while he's trying to go to sleep. That's the only reason I can think of that my youngest won't go to sleep. He's in the hall right now, wondering where I am, how long will it be before I come find him and take him back to his bed? Could he make it, say, down the hall...? What if he's suuuuuuuuppperrrrr quieeetttt? I know he's tired. It's evident in the eyes he can barely keep open. He tried to keep himself awake by SCCRREEEAAMMMINNNG while in his bath.
*sigh* (Sade take me away, my Calgon moment.)
"Inside voice please. That hurts my ears and I don't like it."
"It hurts my ears too," says older brother (really? this from the child who was screaming himself mere moments ago.)
Luckily now older brother is fast asleep. Apparent by the (fake) snoring when I go to put little brother back to bed. Sigh, this whole single parenting this is hard. I will fully admit it. But to be perfectly honest, it's really not any harder than doing it with a spouse. It's just a matter of controlling myself better. THAT is the hard part. I am sometimes disappointed in myself as a person and a parent when I lose my temper. I can't expect them to behave when I can't control myself. I have to lead by example. THAT is the hard part.
SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP
It becomes my mantra. I see the words in my mind's eye. I whisper the words out loud, a quiet meditation to the gods of sleep. I feel the WEIGHT of the words (and his eyelids closing). I push the words upon his person through my mind. I AM the words. SON SLEEP. Sometimes he just has to get upset, cry and then he falls asleep. Whatever it takes at that point, 2 hours after his bed time is a little ridiculous and hard to deal with. I feel selfish longing for the nights when they aren't here.
Does that make me a bad parent?
Maybe, but it doesn't make it any less true. I am a person who likes their along time. The time to peruse the web, searching for that next fix. That next touch with a like mind. Hoping there's something in our spot. Wishing I wasn't hoping. But I am. I do.
Sade soothes me: "But a voice inside me said, said there's something that you need to know oh: It's gonna be alright."
*sigh* (Sade take me away, my Calgon moment.)
"Inside voice please. That hurts my ears and I don't like it."
"It hurts my ears too," says older brother (really? this from the child who was screaming himself mere moments ago.)
Luckily now older brother is fast asleep. Apparent by the (fake) snoring when I go to put little brother back to bed. Sigh, this whole single parenting this is hard. I will fully admit it. But to be perfectly honest, it's really not any harder than doing it with a spouse. It's just a matter of controlling myself better. THAT is the hard part. I am sometimes disappointed in myself as a person and a parent when I lose my temper. I can't expect them to behave when I can't control myself. I have to lead by example. THAT is the hard part.
SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP
It becomes my mantra. I see the words in my mind's eye. I whisper the words out loud, a quiet meditation to the gods of sleep. I feel the WEIGHT of the words (and his eyelids closing). I push the words upon his person through my mind. I AM the words. SON SLEEP. Sometimes he just has to get upset, cry and then he falls asleep. Whatever it takes at that point, 2 hours after his bed time is a little ridiculous and hard to deal with. I feel selfish longing for the nights when they aren't here.
Does that make me a bad parent?
Maybe, but it doesn't make it any less true. I am a person who likes their along time. The time to peruse the web, searching for that next fix. That next touch with a like mind. Hoping there's something in our spot. Wishing I wasn't hoping. But I am. I do.
Sade soothes me: "But a voice inside me said, said there's something that you need to know oh: It's gonna be alright."
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