Lesson for the day

Instead of a song I am linking to one of my favorite photos on Alexa's page.

If you're going to try anal using your hand, there are certain positions that work better for this as I found out two nights ago. I couldn't sleep so I thought, well I'll jill off and maybe that will work.
Nope.
1 hour later, still awake, try again.
Nope.
It's like 1:30 am now, still awake.
(Ok lets go all out, Wrong Number Dave was talking about licking my ass, etc, we'll see where that takes us.)

So I needed to go the bathroom, so I decided to just stay in there and try, so I could rinse off (always practical this one).
Leaned over with shoulders on counter, right hand to clit, left hand under to ass. Well. That feels good. Especially when I am thinking about him licking my ass. Mmmm.
(Let's lay down, I tend to lose control of my legs if I get going too far along.)
Lay down on my back.
Right hand to clit, left hand to ass, same as before.
Well, that's just awkward now. And I can't get in as far. Hmmmm
(Maybe if I reach around from behind...)

Mmmmmm, that's MUCH better!
Well, that position allows for some really good bucking, which is how I eventually came, 2 fingers in ass. Thinking about him fucking my ass in front of the windows in his 12th story office in SF.
Nice.
So, depending on the position, access to the ass is easier in different ways.

The End.

I did a good amount of porn tonight. Most of it good, oddly. I had 2 rounds of enjoying myself and actually used both hands tonight which I very rarely do. That was really good, esp while I watched this for round one.
This was round 2.
My fingers are coated in my dried pussy juices now.
Mmmmm, it's salty.

Nite nite.

Sorry you have the wrong number

song for this post

Well I got a random wrong call today. Ended up chatting with the person after he texted me telling me (via txt):
"Sorry, great voice."
I replied, Thanks, you too.
"I'm Dave from San Franciso. Apologize for the wrong number. Are you in Sales (with the voice)?"
No, but I have been told that before.
This led to some interesting texts and then phone calls which lasted for the better part of a few hours while I ran errands. It was stimulating, entertaining, casual and surprising all at the same time. He promptly sent me a photo. Good looking. He said he looks like Guy Pearce. He asked for one of me, I politely declined until I am "available."  He didn't push it, which I appreciated. I was VERY clear from the beginning that I am months away from being single. NOT available. But interested in pursuing things when things are final for me. He ended up getting off while we were talking, much by his own doing (he described what he would be doing to me if we were together). I did nothing to disuade him. : )
This led to talks of Vegas which we are both frequent visitors to. He sells commercial real estate in SF thus seems to be on a higher income level as the usual places he stays are the Wynn, the Bellagio, THE Hotel etc. I commented that I normally stay at my time share. He suggested a wager to see which one of us could get laid the most in 9 hours. This progressed to talking about who that is easier for in general, and he insisted it's women. I told him I wasn't aware of any such thing being married for the last 13 years. He conceed the win to me before we even got there and moved on to:
"How about rather than competing against each other, we find a beautiful woman for us...?"
You're on!
"Let's go to Vegas."
I'm on my way"
"First...we satisfy our own curiosity, hit the pool, then go on a search. Could be so fun!"
Sounds perfect! That's exactly what I am looking for, in 2 months.

It was an interesting day with a glimpse of things to come after the divorce is final. It gave me something to look forward to, not specifically with him, but in general.

Maybe I should chat up more wrong numbers.

lotion anyone?

song du jour "I love this record babe, but I can't see straight anymore."
Liking anything by her right now. Especially this.

So as I was getting ready to go out with BFF tonight, fresh from the shower she comes with a bottle of lotion. "Can you put some on my back?"
Sure.
Did I mention she was naked?

So was I.

; )

New toys

Library Vixen mentioned Madame S in this post so I went browsing.
This looks very interesting...
I don't even know where to start on this site, so many options, so much new information.
All very tempting.
Not to mention so, sooo sexy.
And wow, someone who does a tri in this would be worth noticing.

bluntcards.com

My kinda card

Waiting for the kids to go to sleep. Roomie came home in the middle of that. Hopefully they don't start all over. It's actually pretty early, they generally settle down around 9.
Yay.

Not cheating if...

Alexa's tweet from a few days ago

I say, applications are being taken within.

Best friends

(song for this post is Annie, Let's Not Wait, by the Guillemots. The album version is actually better, but this is a good start. It's addictive and yummy. 2:48 Annie Annie Ahh ahhh ahhh ahhhh has been running through my head all day.)


So I had my reading with Astrologer Dawn last night. It went really well and I am encouraged that things will be just fine for me and the kids. I just need to get Keefe into counseling which I had already planned to do. She's going to send me the names of a couple child psychologists she recommends. She commented that the kids are very different and have nothing in common in their charts. I would definitely agree and that's what makes them so fun.

She shocked me about 45 mins in and told me that I would be married again in 2 to 3 years.

(pause)

"REALLY?!" was my response. I hadn't really considered that so early.

"Yes yes yes yes!" was her reply while she flipped more cards(seemed sort of sure of herself). I was sort of quiet. "He'll be your best friend and will either own his own company or manage a really large company. He'll travel a lot and sometimes you'll go with him and sometimes you won't. He'll understand you need to stay home with the kids. He will likely have a house in another state and you'll visit for 2 weeks or so then he'll go back. It will work really well for you and there will be lots of travel."

(silence from me)

"But you're definitely going to get married again and you'll be HAPPY. Happy happy."

Well, ok.
I felt strangely good about that. It's nice to know there's someone out there waiting to meet YOU. I was so caught off guard I didn't think to ask if it was someone I already knew. I think I'll reply to her email with the psychologist suggestions and ask. Maybe she'll check again.

She was very clear that I am NOT AVAILABLE for the next year. I should not be trying to get into a relationship because I am NOT AVAILABLE. I need to just have fun. "And if a 22 year old comes up and just wants to have sex, do it." Well ok then. Kinda what I was looking for (and forward to). So that sounds perfect. I need to take the next year and just focus on Shanley and what Shanley needs and what makes Shanley happy.

And have lots of sex.
: )

The third side to my coin.

Yes, I do have a special three sided coin. When I call the shots, the coin can have as many sides as I want it to.

The 2 sides to my coin:

One of these nights

It's one of THOSE nights.
I am overly tired, exhausted if I'd admit it, because of staying up too late last night to launch Night Moves. The 6 am wake up call from the kidos only compounded on that. It was the first full weekend day with just the kids and me. We went to the zoo. We were there when it opened at 9. That's A.M. That included the 40 min drive to get there. And breakfast and some playing. Roomie is in Rocky Point for the weekend.
Needless to say, it was an emotional drop off during which C tried to get me to stay, or have dinner with them, etc. This was after kissing me and some light groping yesterday when we all had dinner together. He seemed lonely, I'd had the kids since Wed. and I was trying to give him some time with them. It ended up being awkward, on my part, not his, when the hugging led to kissing led to very tight hugs. It just makes me wish I hadn't done it. I don't want to be conflicted or reminded of that. I have made up my mind and I am not going to change it. Maybe I'll rethink those mid week meals.

I have completed all the paperwork except the custody and parenting plans. I think they were more than I expected. I have some free time tomorrow. I want to make it a point to get them done so I can file next week. It's later than I expected to already. I guess it will happen when it's meant to.

I am excited I have another appointment with Astrologer Dawn on Monday. I decided to give myself a belated birthday present. I had been wanting to do it for months now, but also didn't want to spend $175 on it. Then I got a birthday email from her (pays to sign up for her newsletter!) and coup-in for a $99 reading. Nice! So I stopped hesitating and promptly ordered it online. She called within an hour to set it up and had time on Monday. I was surprised and pleased for the quick turn around. I need to find my last reading and go over it. She also asked for my goal and I need to get that to her tomorrow as well. Will be a ME day on the computer. Good thing Roomie's internet connection is available.

Watched The Holiday with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. Very cute. There were a few relateable scenes and in my emotional/exhausted state I cried. I suppose I need to do that occasionally to "get it all out." The movie prompted a round of self realization type questions, "Is it hard to be alone?" "Can I do this?" "Do I really want to do this?" all followed by affirmations that I am strong and want this change in my life. It's a good thing and I don't need to be afraid of it. I do miss the kids something fierce though. I didn't go into their room to clean up and do laundry. I'll do it tomorrow when I am well rested, yay for sleep in days!

I was loaned Bob Seger's Greatest Hits on Friday from Roomie's current SO. I do loves me some Seger. I had almost settled on Soul Sloshing (courtesy Venus Hum!) as my title, but I had really wanted a Seger song. I had seriously considered "You'll Accomp'ny Me" but, alas, that seemed a sentiment from the wrong side. So, instead, I am projecting as to what I hope this blog will become. A memoir of my "night moves."
We're gonna practice our, Night Moves. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

I can't wait.

SON SLEEP

It must be that anything else is infinitely more interesting that what he's doing (nothing) while he's trying to go to sleep. That's the only reason I can think of that my youngest won't go to sleep. He's in the hall right now, wondering where I am, how long will it be before I come find him and take him back to his bed? Could he make it, say, down the hall...? What if he's suuuuuuuuppperrrrr quieeetttt? I know he's tired. It's evident in the eyes he can barely keep open. He tried to keep himself awake by SCCRREEEAAMMMINNNG while in his bath.

*sigh* (Sade take me away, my Calgon moment.)

"Inside voice please. That hurts my ears and I don't like it."

"It hurts my ears too," says older brother (really? this from the child who was screaming himself mere moments ago.)

Luckily now older brother is fast asleep. Apparent by the (fake) snoring when I go to put little brother back to bed. Sigh, this whole single parenting this is hard. I will fully admit it. But to be perfectly honest, it's really not any harder than doing it with a spouse. It's just a matter of controlling myself better. THAT is the hard part. I am sometimes disappointed in myself as a person and a parent when I lose my temper. I can't expect them to behave when I can't control myself. I have to lead by example. THAT is the hard part.

SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP

It becomes my mantra. I see the words in my mind's eye. I whisper the words out loud, a quiet meditation to the gods of sleep. I feel the WEIGHT of the words (and his eyelids closing). I push the words upon his person through my mind. I AM the words. SON SLEEP. Sometimes he just has to get upset, cry and then he falls asleep. Whatever it takes at that point, 2 hours after his bed time is a little ridiculous and hard to deal with. I feel selfish longing for the nights when they aren't here.

Does that make me a bad parent?

Maybe, but it doesn't make it any less true. I am a person who likes their along time. The time to peruse the web, searching for that next fix. That next touch with a like mind. Hoping there's something in our spot. Wishing I wasn't hoping. But I am. I do.

Sade soothes me: "But a  voice inside me said, said there's something that you need to know oh: It's gonna be alright."