Daffodils

Song of the day: Baby I'm in. Love, love, LOVING this song by Keith Urban right now. If you need a lover and a friend...

I was so honored to be chosen as the Mystery Guest today! I think of this blog really as a diary. As events happen I think about how I am going to word them, or how a photo would accent a post. But if I miss posting it or sharing that thought, it's ok, it's just for me. Well, apparently others are watching and that just tickles me pink! : ) I was really pleased that Os picked the poem that he did. Daffodils are very special to me because of J. The constant back and forth was which flower was my favorite? Daisies. No, he'd correct me, they're daffodils. No, daises, daffodils, etc... So it  made me smile in my heart when Os picked that.

I have a wedding to go to this Saturday. And I think I may actually have a dinner date on Sunday. I am at the point where I rate all potential dates on how badly I want to see them vs the time they take away from D. We pretty much spend all our spare time together, which I love. It's like having a home base but with the freedom to explore other people. An open, semi-but-not-committed relationship, who knew?! : )

Tuesday night D didn't say the words "do you want to stay over" or some variation on that, so I didn't assume I would. It's a long haul from my house to ANYWHERE (15 minutes just to the freeway, then another 10 minimum to anywhere) so if I am going to stay over at his place I have to plan in advance since he's 30 mins away in good traffic. I planned for staying over Sunday and Monday. Then Tuesday rolled around and I had a little Girls Night Out jewelry party for a friend and hadn't planned to stay with him. Didn't have enough meds,  clothes, had to send off pics to Os for HNT MG, and my laptop stays at home, etc. So the end of the night rolled around and I went back to his place to pick up my stuff he was surprised to find I wasn't staying. I said, well, you never "officially" invited me and I didn't want to assume, since we're not boyfriend/girlfriend anymore, that I could just stay over. He was so disappointed. And then so was I. Awww. I really wanted to stay. But I really wanted to go home and send off my photos too! So, to say we spend most of our free time together isn't really stretching it much.

Last night I was gathering up the boys to head them upstairs for shower and their 3 simple steps (think Special Agent Oso - fun version) and Roomie's dog Maggie started doing crazy dog laps in the house. You know, when they are running around in circles through all the rooms in the house while you just try to stay out of their way? Well, I was moving to the side, she dodged where she THOUGHT I was going, and, BAM!! I end up on my ass on the tile floor. I was pretty lucky I didn't hit my head on the wall that was a foot away. So, now my bum, wrist and ankle are all a little sore. I am hoping they don't hurt tomorrow. I plan to do some dancing at the wedding this weekend!

So I am not entirely pleased with the way the I Kissed a Girl post turned out. I think I will supplement it at some point. It didn't really have the effect that I wanted. Keep an eye out for that.

Today, I have plans to have D to work at lunch time for a little afternoon delight in a private bathroom I know about. That should be fun. I invited him yesterday for lunch but he wasn't able to make it. So, I tempted him with this bit of texting yesterday when he let me know he was done for the day with work:

Me: Yay! Time for you to come over here so I can attack you.

D: Very tempting babe! We could find a hideaway spot for some public sex ; )

Me: Just thinking of all the private bathrooms I know about... And what I am going to do to you in them.

D: Yum! OK... give me a little "for example..." please?

Me: I would take you over to the next building and find one of the private bathrooms. The door would lock and I would push you against the door and drop to my knees. Your belt would come off first. Then your pants, unzipped. Next your cock comes out and I wrap my mouth around it. You've been thinking about this so you're a little hard already. (ELO Evil Woman is playing right now).

D: Awesome visual... I'm so there! Can you actually make that happen?

Me: Yup ; )

D: Tomorrow at lunch?

Me: Yep if you want to come here.

D: Hell yeah I want to cum there! ; ) When is good for u? Meet 1st at your office?

Me: Lol, eager all of a sudden. 1130ish, noon, 1, whatever.

D: Kind of a big deal don't u think?

Me: Why do you think I invited you over today lover?

D: Thx! But just making sure ur not gonna get in trouble... or is that part of the fun? ; )

Me: Not going to get in trouble. That's what lunch breaks are for right?

D: Absolutely. U want me to bring my camera?

Me: Bring whatever you'd like. 11:30 works and I am flexible.

D: Ok 11:30 it is. My treat for lunch after. Bring ur vibrator too.
Me: Oooooo! That WOULD be interesting! And great for pics...
D: You like the way I'm thinkin I see!!

Me: Always baby. That's why I keep you around. You're fun in all the right ways. : )

D: ; )

Me: I am SO looking forward to having your cock in my mouth tomorrow. Wish it was now.

D: Oohhh baby! Me too. And ur pussy in my mouth ; )

Me: (Big inhale) YUM!

D: Breathe deeply & softly my love! ; )

So I'll recap in the next post because by the time I post this, it will have already happened : ) Hopefully I'll have some great before shots for the Brazilian I have scheduled tomorrow. I'll post those with the recap. Until then, here's my HNT for the day! At some point I will figure out how to do those click throughs but, not today! Happy HNT and be sure to stop by Osbasso to see who else is playing!

Who am I to disagree?

I think this is the best song to represent ME. I really love it. I never get tired of it and every time it's on I develop the sly smile. I have always thought it was incredibly sexy, the thought that "...some of them want to abuse you, some them want to be abused..." I was 9 when this came out and it was my first hint that things aren't always "vanilla." There ARE people into the thought of pain being pleasure. No wonder I always smile when I hear it. A perfect example of this mentality is Alexa's latest post. Check it out. HAWT! I LOVE anal, it's right up there with being munched. Good stuff.

I had a great night with the kids tonight. It didn't all go as planned, but we made time to watch the beautiful sunset and I explained how the earth revolves on it's axis (Mom what's an axis?) and how it rotates around the sun which creates the sky changing from day to night. Then K decided he didn't want to do his homework. Well, what do you say to a 6 year old when he says that? Ok, you'll have to do it tomorrow. Then we got ready for bed, and read a book, which evolved into K reading the book, which was WAY cool! He can (mostly) read! It was awesome. So, I just enjoyed the moment, no yelling, no arguing, no fussing, just fun. It was great. Now they are up there, quiet, staying in their beds, hopefully asleep. You can't ask for much more than that.
Big smiles.

This song is also a favorite of mine. You don't hear it nearly enough any more, too bad.
One more Lost down, 5 or 6 to go.
My new night shirt, yes it's a little chilly. : )

Sleep tight.

I need you to

Ingram Hill, Chicago, new band in the stack of cd's roomie's SO let me borrow. They remind me of Lifehouse.

My sweet adorable 6 year old worked on his homework tonight while I got my other son ready for bed. When I checked back in with him he had completed a whole sheet all by himself, awesome! So I checked it and and this is what he had done:

It was SO stinkin cute I could barely contain my laughter. Since he wrote the whole thing on his own I had to complement him for getting it done. Then I showed it to roomie and her SO who happened to be over. Roomie commented "He's SO your son." I felt so proud : ). They agreed it was worth keeping for future embarassment purposes. So I snapped a quick pic and then calmly told him, "You did a GREAT job! But you spelled the last word wrong, you'll need to change it..." which he proceeded to do and added "here please" to the end, which made more sense. : )

It's the little things sometimes.

New and improved

Just Say Yes new Snow Patrol. I heard this the other day at Sonic (gimmie one of your tots) and looked it up as soon as I got to work. Who's been to a planetarium show? Anyone? Fun. This would be a great song to have on while you're proposing to someone. "I can feel your  heart beat through my shirt." I love the sly smile he maintains through the video, so sexy. Makes you wonder what he's thinking. It was followed on Sonic radio by Mandy Moore, Candy, she's like 12, lol! "I'm cravin for you."

Ok, I finally got around to using the new Blogger Template Designer and it looks like I REALLY want it to look. So, sorry for the alterations, again. But this is what I hoped it would look like orginally, but I just couldn't find a template to reflect the mood.

I have cooled off since the cell phone debacle of this afternoon. After this much effort put into this situation I am done. So I won't be getting another cell phone until February of next year. No qwerty kwyboard for me ya'll! Oh well.

9:14 and the kids are asleep, yay! This is night #2 when they stayed in their beds. But they got up 6 times through the night last night so I am sleeeeppppyyyy. Enough playing for now, I haven't even hit the other blogs. I didn't make it to the court either to file for the default. There is really no rush at this point. The end date is based upon the initial filing, not this one. But I can't call for a court date until I file this paperwork. So, because I have the kids tomorrow, I'll probably go in after work on Monday. Then I can call for my date. Yay!

Let's see what yummyness I can leave you with tonight. Thoughts of divorce vacation dance in my head...

Sleep well.

Grrrrr

Rachel Stevens Blue Afternoon This song is actually a little too upbeat for this post, but I heard it recently and liked it. The message is fitting though.

It's been another of those days.

I think this is the 4th week in a row now that I cried when dropping off the kids, and not because I am going to miss them, but because of how utterly frustrated I am by their behavior. I have to admit I did SOOOOO much better today with my reaction to their behavior. And to give them due credit they were cooped up inside a very small cell phone store for 2.5 hours.

This is after the play that we expected to take 30 minutes for K which then turned into a 2.5 hour situation that involved ALL the childcare programs from the southern part of the state. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? So that meant I spent from about 11:00am to 7:00pm with C.

AND I had to wake up at 5:45am so I could be ready to register K for said child care program for the summer which took 53 minutes of hitting the refresh button to finally be able to log into the system. I was done by 7:00am at which time F promptly woke up.

AND I walked away from the phone store with NOTHING after being there for 2.5 hours because they refused to transfer my phone number!!! (They'll let us know tomorrow if they'll let us take on the new plan without charging us the extra $220 termination fees for the existing plan we have on a sister company. We'll be spending DOUBLE what we're currently paying just so we don't have to be a rider on this other plan anymore which has become a SEVERE pain in the ass, this termination thing is the perfect example. And they'll THINK about letting us off. But there's absolutely no way they'll transfer the numbers. Not even to another company because of the kind of plan it is. WTF!!??!! So I am going to have to notify everyone who has or may have ever had my cell phone of my forthcoming new number.)

AND after spending 8 hours with my soon to be ex, NO ONE called me. ALL DAY. NO. ONE.

Oh and did I mention I fell on Thursday and jacked up my knee so I am gimping around and CAN'T RUN????!!!!

Deep breaths deep breaths deep breaths.

So, here I sit while roomie and her SO are at the county fair (thought I was going with, guess not) and I am going to watch back episodes of Lost. I am only 7 weeks behind. No cable here at roomie's ya know.

Sorry, I needed to vent.

Irony

New band Breaking Benjamin I also recently discovered and bought American Weapon  Click on listen. I liked them all, but Sweet Marlene the best I think.

Home because K is sick. He's sleeping, I am watching Slumdog Millionaire. It's good, but very sad.

So I mentioned that I had filed my divorce papers. It was a nice moment, but a little bit ironic. After 40 minutes or so, I got my turn at the counter and the clerk started flipping through all my papers.
"Raise your right hand."
Uh, ok (I raise my right hand)
"Do you swear that the information in these forms is true to the best of your knowledge?"
I do?
Full circle I guess. Starts with "I do" ends with "I do."

I miss you. I wish we could be together. I wish I knew how you were doing. The silence kills me. I wish we could touch, hug, hold, caress, entice, stroke, whisper, tantilize, whip into a frenzy then enjoy.

I miss you.

When they're made like that

You ain't ever gonna sleep at night.

Well they managed to go three nights in a row without getting up out of bed. For me, that's the whole week. Woohoo!! If you read this, you'll know why that's so awesome.

I got lots done today, woke up at 5:15am with F crying his head off. Luckily he went back to bed until just after 7. A little video shopping for the kids as a thank you for 3 nights. Lunch, dropped off the kids, a hair cut and was lucky enough to have him refresh the color. I mentioned the last color started fading within 3 weeks, which is a lot sooner than normal. So he did a refresh. Super cool. Then I bought some new bras and panties. Maybe we'll see more of those later. Then I came home and washed 2 cars, vacuumed, ran with the dog and then roomie got home and we ate dinner and watched The Princess Bride. She didn't recall ever seeing it so of course we popped it in.
The car washing was in a bathing suit, I was enjoying the 87 degrees with the breeze. Perfect car washing weather. I must have been doing something right, we live on a culdesac and there were cars making the rounds. I was entertained. Heard the song while washing car #2. It made me smile.
Tomorrow, a lot of nothing. That will be so nice. I am sure roomie will want to do some organizing. We've got plans with friends later for dinner. Should be a nice leisurely day. Just what you're dying to read about, I am sure.
It's midnight and I have been up a long time. So, nite nite.

38.5, 35, 39.5

Sexy Chick

Random thoughts for the evening:
Roomie is out until Sat, so I, at the very least, have access to the internet for a couple of days. She insisted we don't need 2 wireless cards, so I feel obligated to let her have the first go at the internet in the evening. Since we both go to bed around 10 - 10:30 this means she uses it for most of the time I am free to do it. Thus, no posts for awhile. Probably a good thing, I would likely bore my 1 follower (yay!) with the mundane.

Well, I am trying to become the new and improved me. I am still reading The Ethical Slut and it's really good. In this part I am learning how not to be jealous, or rather, how not to let jealousy take over. You just have to feel it, accept it and move through it. It's helping to enlighten me. I am glad I am reading it. I am finding it applies to parenting as well, so there has been much less yelling which is AWESOME. And something to feel good about at the end of the night, rather than wishing I had behaved differently. A step in the right direction.

I recently discovered that Alexa has been answering questions online at Formspring, which I am not familiar with. http://www.formspring.me/AlexaRPD It's so cool being able to send her a question (no account needed, sweeeeeet) and have her answer immediately (well ok within a couple of minutes). I think I sent 10 or so questions. See if you can figure out which are mine : ). Also she's been posting on her blog again, which I have been DESPIRATE to read, but unable. I haven't even linked to her on this blog because she had gone silent. I will link to her today. She's sooooo great and I LOVE reading her.

The kids stayed in bed 2 nights in a row now, so much easier than fighting with them for 2 hours. Yay. Maybe it's the new improved calm me helping the situation? I like to think so. But to give them credit, I think the "newness" has worn off too, which is great.

I filed for divorce on Monday and served him yesterday. He now has 20 days to respond, which he has said he won't. Which means I then count down until the 27th, and file for a default. Then we wait for a court date, but it will be final in 60 days. It is all still going very smoothly and I am glad I am taking it slowly and not rushing anything. I have been told I need to find a club like this. Maybe on the Cancun divorce trip? It seemed a bit more "entertainment" not like something you join, but rather something you watch. But hey, that's what divorce parties are for right?

Wanna know the difference between 6/8 and 8/10?
Roomie                Me
35          boobs    38.5
33          waist      35 (at the belly button)
37          hip         39.5
22          thigh      23
14.25     calf        15
12          bicep     11.25
138        lbs         150 (lowest I have been since I started college, 18 years ago)

We decided to measure and keep track since we're working out and running 3-4 days a week. It's a good system, I refuse to let her get out of running when we get home and then she refuses to let me out of working out. I can already see a difference in the arms, which is my worst area. She's got great guns and that's what I picture when I am feebly doing mine. But I am getting better, and Tuesday I did 2 pull ups when I hadn't even been able to get up, much less pull before that. I try the chin up bar every time we work out and she said one day, "You're the most determined person I know." I laughed and said, "After you right?" We're a good team. Maybe I'll take photos and post too. At some point I want to join in the HNT party.

More tomorrow after I've had time to enjoy the internet and all it's glory again. I am feeling disconnected and wonder what all my girls are doing.

One of these nights

It's one of THOSE nights.
I am overly tired, exhausted if I'd admit it, because of staying up too late last night to launch Night Moves. The 6 am wake up call from the kidos only compounded on that. It was the first full weekend day with just the kids and me. We went to the zoo. We were there when it opened at 9. That's A.M. That included the 40 min drive to get there. And breakfast and some playing. Roomie is in Rocky Point for the weekend.
Needless to say, it was an emotional drop off during which C tried to get me to stay, or have dinner with them, etc. This was after kissing me and some light groping yesterday when we all had dinner together. He seemed lonely, I'd had the kids since Wed. and I was trying to give him some time with them. It ended up being awkward, on my part, not his, when the hugging led to kissing led to very tight hugs. It just makes me wish I hadn't done it. I don't want to be conflicted or reminded of that. I have made up my mind and I am not going to change it. Maybe I'll rethink those mid week meals.

I have completed all the paperwork except the custody and parenting plans. I think they were more than I expected. I have some free time tomorrow. I want to make it a point to get them done so I can file next week. It's later than I expected to already. I guess it will happen when it's meant to.

I am excited I have another appointment with Astrologer Dawn on Monday. I decided to give myself a belated birthday present. I had been wanting to do it for months now, but also didn't want to spend $175 on it. Then I got a birthday email from her (pays to sign up for her newsletter!) and coup-in for a $99 reading. Nice! So I stopped hesitating and promptly ordered it online. She called within an hour to set it up and had time on Monday. I was surprised and pleased for the quick turn around. I need to find my last reading and go over it. She also asked for my goal and I need to get that to her tomorrow as well. Will be a ME day on the computer. Good thing Roomie's internet connection is available.

Watched The Holiday with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. Very cute. There were a few relateable scenes and in my emotional/exhausted state I cried. I suppose I need to do that occasionally to "get it all out." The movie prompted a round of self realization type questions, "Is it hard to be alone?" "Can I do this?" "Do I really want to do this?" all followed by affirmations that I am strong and want this change in my life. It's a good thing and I don't need to be afraid of it. I do miss the kids something fierce though. I didn't go into their room to clean up and do laundry. I'll do it tomorrow when I am well rested, yay for sleep in days!

I was loaned Bob Seger's Greatest Hits on Friday from Roomie's current SO. I do loves me some Seger. I had almost settled on Soul Sloshing (courtesy Venus Hum!) as my title, but I had really wanted a Seger song. I had seriously considered "You'll Accomp'ny Me" but, alas, that seemed a sentiment from the wrong side. So, instead, I am projecting as to what I hope this blog will become. A memoir of my "night moves."
We're gonna practice our, Night Moves. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

I can't wait.

SON SLEEP

It must be that anything else is infinitely more interesting that what he's doing (nothing) while he's trying to go to sleep. That's the only reason I can think of that my youngest won't go to sleep. He's in the hall right now, wondering where I am, how long will it be before I come find him and take him back to his bed? Could he make it, say, down the hall...? What if he's suuuuuuuuppperrrrr quieeetttt? I know he's tired. It's evident in the eyes he can barely keep open. He tried to keep himself awake by SCCRREEEAAMMMINNNG while in his bath.

*sigh* (Sade take me away, my Calgon moment.)

"Inside voice please. That hurts my ears and I don't like it."

"It hurts my ears too," says older brother (really? this from the child who was screaming himself mere moments ago.)

Luckily now older brother is fast asleep. Apparent by the (fake) snoring when I go to put little brother back to bed. Sigh, this whole single parenting this is hard. I will fully admit it. But to be perfectly honest, it's really not any harder than doing it with a spouse. It's just a matter of controlling myself better. THAT is the hard part. I am sometimes disappointed in myself as a person and a parent when I lose my temper. I can't expect them to behave when I can't control myself. I have to lead by example. THAT is the hard part.

SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP SON SLEEP

It becomes my mantra. I see the words in my mind's eye. I whisper the words out loud, a quiet meditation to the gods of sleep. I feel the WEIGHT of the words (and his eyelids closing). I push the words upon his person through my mind. I AM the words. SON SLEEP. Sometimes he just has to get upset, cry and then he falls asleep. Whatever it takes at that point, 2 hours after his bed time is a little ridiculous and hard to deal with. I feel selfish longing for the nights when they aren't here.

Does that make me a bad parent?

Maybe, but it doesn't make it any less true. I am a person who likes their along time. The time to peruse the web, searching for that next fix. That next touch with a like mind. Hoping there's something in our spot. Wishing I wasn't hoping. But I am. I do.

Sade soothes me: "But a  voice inside me said, said there's something that you need to know oh: It's gonna be alright."