Welcome back

Who knew she could sing. This song has been stuck in my head for days since BTE sent it to me after our first night.

It's been awhile, but I've been having such fun. Let me esplain. No, it is too much, let me sum up.
D and I were together for a year, but we've broken up. Now, dream of all dreams, BTE and I have connected and I am loving it. He's already addicted, as am I. I can only imagine where this will lead and I am really excited about it.

I can't believe I've been divorced over a year. The date slipped right by me, only to be noted a week later on my first "date" with BTE. It was more important that it marked a year (and ending) with D and a new beginning with BTE. I didn't expect to get involved with him, nor have it progress so quickly. Someone described me as a serial monogomist and I would have to agree. As much as BTW and I were both looking forward to some alone time, that just didn't happen. I am toying again with asking him if he wants to take a break, but I don't think he'll want to, and nor do I, really. It's just been 4 years coming with him and I am super excited with how it's working out. I literally made myself available for him. We're going to see Sade and Def Leppard soon and I'm really excited about it. He loves music as much as I do, maybe more, which I find really sexy. Among many other things about him including his amazing intellect, sarcastic witty sense of humor, his willingness to share his emotions, goals and plans for the future and not the least, his ability to turn me on, and on, and on.

Looking forward to many, many happy moments to come. This is his favorite spot, so I'll post again.

I run to you

I've had this song on my mind awhile. It's a great song.

Well I have cheered up markedly in the last week which is great. Last weekend was Labor Day and I spent it all with D. We drove up a local mountain to get some heat relief and found a lovely little camp site to hang out at for awhile. We'd brought some fruit and wine and cheese and crackers and smore's makin's. It had been a LOOOONG time since either of us had smores. YUM!! Can't recommend it enough. I had mentioned earlier in the day that there were vegetarian marshmallows and he relayed later that he went to 4 (yes FOUR) different grocery stores looking for them. Apparently the guy at the last one asked how many stores, to which D replied 4 and the guy said, "wow, you must really like her." (insert goofy grin here)
: )

We hung there for awhile, enjoyed some wine, which lead to some nekkid time, which was fun and risky with people clearly in eye sight of where we were. That of course added to the excitement. Watched some stars when we were done. Had a long conversation about our open relationship. We're both still comfortable with it, which is great. Headed down the hill a few hours later to go home. Enjoyed some more of each other which completely exhausted us and we crashed. Woke up, enjoyed an entire day of hanging at the house watching movies. Crazy Heart (eh), Gamer (bad, he actually fell asleep), some porn (lead to some nice action) and finally Backup Plan (better than expected actually). Made corn bread pot pie in the crock pot so it was ready for dinner, YUM. More smores, then more enjoying, then bed.

Woke up Monday, back to my house for supplies, hung out at his neighbor's pool awhile, eventually went to meet his parents where we had dessert. I had met them briefly once before at a jewelry party so it wasn't awkward. And in fact it was nice. They are very proper people, he's ex military and she's a true southern lady. It's all very different than how I grew up. But a nice change. Then we did the local run in the evening and headed back to his place again. It was all very "mundane" and "normal." And nice. Comfortable. Effortless. Somewhere in there I became his babygirl. He mentioned it in a txt at one point later and I said I really liked it. He said, "that's what I think when you're tucked into my arms and I am kissing you good night."

Insert next goofy grin here : )

I was IMing with C from my online dating site last week and he let me know that he's finally ready to meet me. I was super excited but bummed that I had made myself unavailable all weekend with plans with D. But, it's the next week, and guess what, C still hasn't set plans to meet me. Ah well. Certainly not going to push that one.

And Friday it was like old flames day or something, I had 2 people who had been in touch with me previously that I hadn't heard from since my KC trip get in touch with me. One asked if I needed someone to take pics for my blog, no strings attached. I politely declined (he turned out to be kind of a jerk and I wasn't interested in getting back into that drama) and he then proceeded to tell me he was engaged. Sheesh, good thing I'd said no. CERTAINLY don't need that drama. And the other guy was ALL about meeting me ASAP!! Made tentative plans for lunch today. Txt'd him this morning. No response. Again, ah well.

Roomie is going out of town this weekend and D and I are headed to the football game. Should be lots of fun, and he'll come here after, which will be a nice change from packing up 2-4 bags to head to his house every weekend. He'll be meeting my mom and her partner Sunday. He said he was flattered I asked. I think they will like him.

AND, CP will be joining me here on Monday for the day, since I have a forced vacation day. He's the one night stand guy I've mentioned previously. We'll see how that day goes. He is like a big kid. 39 going on 22. I am apparently the oldest person he's dated. He's the youngest person I've dated and it's obvious. He calls me things like dork and goof. Things D thinks are disrespectful and would never dream of saying to me. A good juxtaposition. Not sure how I'll lay that one out to D.

But (I know, don't call you a but), here's my HNT from the mountain. D took it while I was admiring the beautiful fire. Be sure to check out Os to see who else is playing.

Weird spot

I am in a weird mood today. D mentioned via email this morning that he'd had a girl over to the house last night. This was only after I had txt'd him last night to ask if I could call him. Didn't hear back from him for awhile, then his response was "Out for a bit." To which I replied, "Going to bed, night." I was pretty sure he was on a date, even though that wasn't the "protocol" we discussed which would have been "I am busy." Semantics I know, but, out for a bit could have been with buddies, his son etc.

This morning I get an email letting me know that he had someone over, she's interested in getting into a more serious relationship with him, but he's losing interest because he just thinks about me when he's with other people. And "did I do that?"

Well, yeah.

So now I am in this mental funk visualizing him having someone at his house. Where I sit. Where I eat. Where I am.

Not likin' those thoughts very much.

And now I get where he was coming from when we discussed me and my dates in the past. I really thought that I wasn't the jealous type. Does it mean I care more than I thought because it bothers me? That's his take on it when I shared how I felt. I dunno. It may just be part of my expansion and growing through the dating process.

I will say, I cut it off tonight with 3 guys I had gone out on dates with. I did it over text too, is that TOTALY gutless or what? Something along the lines of "I feel like I am not being completely upfront with you. After mentally reviewing our evening, I didn't feel a connection on my part with you. So I wouldn't mind staying in touch with you as friends, but I think that would be the extent of it. No hard feelings?"
They were all very gracious and replied with, no hard feelings, best of luck etc. I just felt like I was leading them all on with the hopes that, oh, they may invite me to their house in San Carlos, etc. Lame. Materialistic. User. I didn't like thinking of myself that way. So, I cut it off. Feel better about myself now. Which is great. And a start. Now I just need to work on those other things I am having an issue with myself over:
Running
Parenting
Time Management
Staying on task at work

That's a good list to start with. I am pretty happy beyond that to be honest. But we all have those little areas we feel like we could improve ourselves. I need to start using "can do" statements. I CAN do that. I can find/make the time to run more to help me keep my weight at a level I want, I can be a better mom, I can be a better, more productive employee etc. Also using these with my kids. Already noticing a difference. Seems to be a good start.

For HNT I'll do one of my "thoughtful" poses. Be sure to check out Os to see who else is playing.

Girl just look at you

I know a spot down on the river underneath the sycamore tree. Save all your kisses up, bring all your sweet love, pour it all over me. I am IN LOVE with this song right now. It just makes me SMILE and SMILE and SMILE. I need to just buy the album and get it over with. It just makes me want to dance. It's so sexy.

So, dating is going to be fun. I am certainly having fun teasing the boys online. I am in Kansas City on vacation with a friend (L) for a national conference she's attending. I am just along for the ride 'cause it's a free hotel room and some free food because she was able to get me a pass to the conference. Hard to pass that up, so I didn't! I have all those vacation days to burn still, so I am HOPING I'll be able to do some quick 3 day weekend trips in the future. Roomie is talking about hitting San Carlos again, she needs to sign some paperwork.

As part of my vacation, L was able to get us some discounted spa passes so I used Mystic Tan for the first time. I noticed some stickers as I was wandering around so I posted the following pic to the 4 or so boys I am getting to know (one of which includes D, who I am keeping in the herd for some sex : )).

They all said either the playboy bunny or kisses on either lower back or "near your pussy." So, bunny went lower back and kisses went above my pussy.

But the bunny didn't really take, too bad, it was cute, if not a little typical.

The kisses aren't really as red as it looks, they are bad photos. But, what do you think? I will post more follow up shots. I may have mentioned I am growing out for a total brazilian, so please excuse the unkemptness.

Did I mention that I had a little fun at D's on Sunday before I left on vacation? It was some great sex in the bathroom. All about mirrors and looking at each other's bodies, which looked great together, I might add. More great fucking in the ass, yummy, love that! Then he attacked my pussy with a vigor that was a little overwhelming. Eventually he used his hand in my ass where he had just come which felt AMAYZING. Whew! It was great stuff, good for lots of memories later and ensuing wetness. *sigh* It also helped with the orgasm I had at the spa yesterday. This is the shot after the O of my "hydrated" breast and legs.

So, onward and hopefully upward with my boys and the fun.

Mental Masturbator

I wanna celebrate and live my life

I know it's been a bit, but, things have done a complete 180 since I last posted and I am working through it.
I think I've mentioned I get cold sores. Or maybe I haven't. Either way, I do. And apparently I was the first person EVER that D experienced that has them. Sooooo I could go into the whole sordid story, but it's too long, let me sum up.
He mentioned last week while we were hanging out here watching a movie that he "thinks he might be falling in love with me." My reaction was a sharp intake of breath and turning away so I could think about how to respond. I basically told him I didn't feel that way, respected that he had shared that with me, didn't fault him for feeling that way, but wanted to take some time to get to know him to see if those feelings developed. He later told me he thought I handled it well.  Fast forward a few days later, I get a cold sore and he's like WHAT? What is that, what does that mean, how long will it be there, can I get it, how long would I have it... etc. Total lack of ANY knowledge about them at all. So, I gave him a link to a webpage and encouraged him to do some research. He said he was going to need a few days to figure out how he felt about this new development. *sigh* Ok. Fast forward a couple days, we meet and I am pretty darn sure he's going to break up with me. Yup. He breaks up with me after a couple of hours of discussion. I didn't try to convince him to stay, I don't need to. I am worth staying for. And if he was "thinking me might be...", anyway.  I brought up the comment that he'd made about if we were committed to each other that meant we could work through anything, as long as we WANTED to. I said, where do cold sore fit in there...? Uhhhhh.
Yeah, what I thought. He let me know he's not the kind of guy to change his mind when he makes up his mind, it's not respectful of me and my feelings, etc.

So, because I was willing to be mature and we'd already made plans to watch a movie together the next day, I went forward with that to see how "friends" felt. It felt awkward. And I let him know it. Which led to us NOT watching the movie, but talking again for a couple of hours about how I thought he had responded in fear and it was a knee-jerk reaction. I didn't appreciate that he didn't trust me to keep his health and safety first and foremost when I have cold sores. (k I am realizing this isn't the short version) He agreed he hadn't done that, but realized that he still didn't know all that he could about cold sores. I answered questions, told him some more information, told him how I'd handled it with partners in the past etc. I asked if he regretted his decision to break up with me. He said he did, and that doesn't normally happen. I said, well, do you regret it enough for there to be a chance to get back together? He said yes. So, we talked about how that might happen. Then he got around to admitting that, oh, by the way, he really was mad about my reaction from when he'd made that comment last week.
REALLY?
Really?
So, we talked about that awhile. Which led to the agreement that we'd date. And date other people. And feel it out to see how it went. And we started the movie again. And that led to, well, can I touch you here? Yes. Here? Yes. Here? Yes.
Which led to me being able to cross off a bucket list item. Sex while standing up and him holding me up, legs around his waist. Nummy. And to make it even better, there was a mirror I watched it all in.
It was great.
Wake up the next morning in his bed, have sex again. He says he wants to think about how he wants to proceed as friends. Go home, go to work next day, we IM and I ask how the thinking is going, that I had been thinking too. He says he has made up his mind to move on, but doesn't want to lose me. I respond with, well, then, good luck, it's been fun knowing you, thanks for your time and patience with my newness to the market. I told him I'd like to be able to check in on him at some point and hoped he'd feel comfortable to do the same. We said goodbye.
Then I cried. Really didn't expect to. Sorta surprised me that I did. Ok, really surprised me that I did. He was a nice guy and I don't regret spending time with him. But, he's going down as guy #5. Halfway to the goal of 10!
Back on the dating webpage, got a few takers already. Having fun but haven't met anyone yet. Staying up WAY too late chatting. Going on vacation all next week, really looking forward to it.

So, I wasn't able to acquire any photos, but this was buzzing around today from Alexa, so I am posting it as my HNT. Happy HNT and be sure to stop by Osbasso to see who else is playing!

Check "yes" or "no"

Cooler than the flipside of my pillow, that's right.

Wow, I just don't even know where to begin. Last I wrote I mentioned D and how we had clicked immediately,  he stayed over, etc. We spent the next 3 days together as time permitted and it continued to feel very much the same way. As if I had known him for a year and there was no need for the awkardness or anxiousness that I was dreading with the "dating" scene. We totally skipped right past that. It's fantastic and comfortable and he puts me at ease.

Then Wednesday rolled around and he requested a "breather" because I had my kids and he needed to "evalute if his thoughts matched his emotions." He was trying to figure out if we are a good match.

This was an ENTIRELY appropriate way to proceed, I mean realistically I am not available during that time frame anyway, right? I've got my kids, I can't go out with someone when I have them, and he knew that. So, why did I convince myself in 3 days that he didn't want to see me anymore? Well because I am silly and overthought it and needed Roomie to help put things in perspective. She was going out of town to the lake over the weekend and we sat and chatted while she packed on Thursday night. She reminded me that there was NO indication on his part that he didn't want to see me anymore, he was just as smitten with me as I was with him and YES she was sure he would be coming over and spending the night on Saturday. I said, well, when you explain it like that, I realize I am being a bit silly. Just making up stories in my head. Which is easy to do when you're as tired as I was (lack of sleep and all). I got extra lucky with her being out of the house for the weekend and also that his son was out of town too.

So moving into Saturday night when he was coming over I was anxious and a little awkward with him. I didn't know where we stood. I wanted to give him time to think and respect his request for a breather. I think he thought I hadn't really given any thought as to why I thought we were "good" together. Why I thought we were a match. I mean we had just barely met right? But the amount of time we'd spend together, a good portion of it talking, had made me realize how many of my requirements he fits. So I decided that the only way I could explain why I thought we were a good match was to share my "relationship list" with him.

So we perusued my list on Saturday after we'd had homemade spaghetti and he agreed that yes he fit all of my requirements with a few variations on the "sex" one: "A man who is sexually compatible with me and is sexually adventurous with a desire for trying new things, including being with another girl or guy, a good kisser and loves giving and receiving oral sex." We had a conversation about that requirement and was the other guy/girl part mandatory, was a it a deal breaker, was it a bucket list kind of thing - I wouldn't feel satisfied with my life until I'd done it, etc? I explained it was a bucket list sort of item, and that he fit the rest of the requirement with no problems. We chatted more about that and I think reached an understanding that allowed him to move on from that issue.

So, long story short, I have a boyfriend. And I am a girlfriend. We're both shocked and surprised and a little scared about how quickly this moved to this stage. I simply wasn't expecting to find someone literally on date one. I mean, who does that happen to? Well, me, us, apparently : ). We agreed to remove our profiles from the web page we met at as a result.

So today we went to a local bar to watch soccer with a friend of his and while I was in the bathroom I was given the green light by the friend and D was told "she's a keeper, don't let her go."

I am a little (ok a lot) giddy over him and am really excited to see where this goes. I really enjoy my time with him and look forward to when I can be with him again. It's just so easy and relaxed and comfortable. He's a real gentleman and I am not used to that so when he does sweet things, it catches me off guard and makes me like him that much more.

Best of all, he makes me smile.
All the time.

This is my new favorite view with him, this isn't us, but, gets you the idea.

And I think this is his favorite view from last night, again, for illustration purposes only.

First Date

La Roux - Bulletproof

My first night of hitting the town as a single lady was last night. Roomie decided to take me to a local bar that she frequents and I was up for it. I have been corresponding with several people on the online dating site and I had several invitations for a date but I decided to stick with my BFF.

As the day progressed I checked my dating web page messages and exchanged a couple with someone I was intrigued by. We'll call him D. D was out with his friends and I let him know that we'd be heading to the bar later. He wished me good luck and mentioned he liked to 2 step. Because the dialogue we'd been having was great I invited him to meet us there and teach me how to 2 step. Roomie is a great dancer and she would very likely have danced with people regardless of if I had a partner or not. Which I am fine with. But I wasn't really looking forward to an entire evening of being the "newbie" at the bar and having to force my way through the maze of what I anticipated to be a lot of attention. (Hey, maybe I am just overly confident, but based on the responses I'd had from the dating site, I wouldn't be alone for most of the night.) So, I felt like inviting someone that I was already interested in and had things in common with would be a good way to ease into this game called dating.

So because this was the first time in over 15 years I was going to be on a date, I had a little cranberry, orange juice and vodka as Roomie drove to the bar. I gave D a call to let him know where we were and we chatted a bit. He was funny and laughed at my jokes. Plus he had a great voice. I was a little tipsy from the amount of alcohol I'd already drank (did I mention I am total lightweight?) so I made a mental note to slow down. We arrived at the bar and he found me waiting while Roomie hit the bathroom. He was a complete gentleman, totally my type and had a great smile. He offered to hold Roomie's drink while we waited and ended up wandering towards the dance floor with it while I was waiting for Roomie. I gathered her up when she came out and we headed over to D. I introduced them and she immediately spotted an ex of hers that she was hoping wouldn't be there. I tried to give D the quick 1-2 and let him know we'd need to watch out for her and this guy. He did so for the rest of the night which I thought was really nice.

We danced a lot, he's a great dancer, great sense of humor about the fact that I was learning and very patient with me. We took some breaks and talked, we really seemed to be connecting. We had a few brief kisses. We ended up leaving the bar at the end of the night. Roomie was very protective, but not wanting to tell me what to do. She made me call her with his cell so she'd have his number. We drove around a bit looking for a place to stop and talk, neither of us was really hungry. We found a park, but apparently that was a bad idea. We started kissing a bit and shortly the police rolled by. They informed us this wasn't a good place to be (the park was closed) and we needed to move on.

He started driving to my place and we talked on the 30 minute drive. We covered a variety of topics and it was a really nice time. He commented several times that I was tempting. When we arrived home I invited him in because I knew Roomie was home. I changed, they chatted, and I rejoined them. He liked what I had changed into, short shorts and t shirt that I normally wear around the house. Roomie went to smoke and we headed to my room.

We had a lovely session of kissing which lead to an even nicer session of getting naked which led to a really great night of sex and talking and laughing and holding and touching and caressing. I told him that it was a perfect night because there was no pressure and he'd been really great on the dance floor. It made it much less stressful for me to enjoy my first night out and I also met a great guy.

We slept a bit when we realized it was getting light already. When we woke up we snuggled and had some pillow talk. Followed by some more sex. He was persistent in making sure that I came and it was a nice change. We got dressed to go down and have breakfast, I put on the same shorts and t shirt from the night before which he really liked. He got down on his knees and pulled my shorts down and had a little taste of my wet wet pussy. Yum, I love that kind of spontaneity.

We had a little bit of breakfast, chatted some more, and he left to do some volunteer work he does on Sunday's. I relayed to Roomie the highlights of the evening and was a little surprised to realize that I really liked him. I wasn't really expecting to find someone soon that I liked so much.

He sent me a quick text after he left:
Thxs again for a great evening of dancing, laughing at my awful jokes, getting chased by the police, making love and sharing who we are! ; )

I replied with:
Thank you! I felt safe with you and that meant a lot and helped me share things with you. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and that leaves me stumbling a little. I didn't expect that kind of connection so early on. You are upsetting my master plan of being "unavailable" and dating for awhile. I honestly am befuddled because I am a little smitten with you.

To which he said:
I like the word smitten. I feel that too.

So am kicking around the idea of just seeing him for a bit and trying it out for size. I am exhausted from not much sleep at this point and am headed to bed. All in all I am super pleased with how this week and weekend went. It's validated to me that others find me attractive and they find me interesting. Or at the least, I write a good dating profile.

Happiness

I know it's been awhile since I posted, but I have been busy (as you'll see). I promise to be more attentive.

The Ruby Suns, Closet Astrologer

I don't know if you know about the Amazon $5 albums or not, but this month WOW! what a selection. There are so many great albums that I'd love to have but budget constraints make me be picky. I mean where else can you get anything from The Beach Boys to Billy Idol to The Ting Tings for $5?!? Sheesh! Today's choices were: Life House and One Eskimo. But there were really so many I could have bought in a heart beat.

They also have a really varied selection of free music and a new download every day in both a single and an album. Yesterday I got Digital Bang: The 2010 Sub Pop album and am really enjoying it. Closet Astrologer is on it, but they aren't all like that. It's a good sample.
You can check out both the $5 albums and the free stuff here.
And no Amazon didn't pay me to say any of it. I am just a big fan of free and cheap music being the crazed music junkie that I am.

So, I got divorced on Tuesday. Yup, the big D! It was strangely anti-climatic and my ex (ooooo first use of that!) even commented on that. Which is great, the less drama the better. It was likely the most amicable and inexpensive divorce ever. Hopefully it will continue to be the same. I have already gotten a profile on a dating web page. Since I have face shots I may not share the location... BUT! I am looking forward to lots of fun. Already had the booty call at midnight. I think a date is a good place to start : ). There's got to be chemistry, THEN we'll move to booty calls, ; ).

So with that being said, I think this is the perfect HNT photo for today:

The card is from a friend when she found out I was getting divorced. I have a great support system and am really grateful for it. I am surprised by how much I unconsciously played with my ring. I find my fingers reaching for it while I am walking or whatever and it's a subtle reminder of the change. And a great one : ). I do feel nekkid without it.

Everyone keeps asking how I feel, and what now? My response has been, I feel "available" and "dating" is what now. So, hopefully the stories will unfold. Being a huge reader, I am calling this the next chapter in my book and a prospect asked a great question: what is the title? So I came up with "My Turn: The Good I Deserve and the Happiness I Seek." Apparently my profile is already a little intimidating. Funny, I just don't see myself that way. I just know what I want and am not going to accept less at this point. I am glad when people are brave enough to push past that though.

Happy HNT and be sure to stop by Osbasso to see who else is playing!