He loves me, he loves me not

I'm not myself tonight, Christina Aguilera's new single. It's yummy and so is the video, hhhoooootttt! I counted 12 outfit changes. It seems she has a latex fetish happening. Or maybe that's just her alter persona. We all have one. Or two...

I have been doing some soul searching lately and been trying to analyze why I continue with some of my self destructive behaviors. So in an effort to be the best ME, I am stopping some of those things. And pursing others that I've let fall to the side. Being honest with myself is a start, then that radiates out to others. Other feelings, other decisions, other people, etc.

Well, just an update. Wrong Number Dave has apparently lost that lovin' feeling. Haven't heard from him in a few weeks at this point. No biggie. He was a fabulous starting point and helped me with some additions to my list. What list? you ask. Oh, well Astrologer Dawn insists that everyone create a list of all of the qualities you're looking for in a man. And then a list of all the qualities you have to offer in a relationship. It's a working document, obviously. And each man at the "Man Mall" as she has dubbed it, will help me to get closer to the "ideal" partner for me. I am looking forward to fine tuning it. Maybe I'll post it another time.

Until then I am looking, but not touching.

I'll leave you with a favorite photo. She's entirely too skinny for my tastes, but it's a great photo with the many implications. It has stopped me every time I've come across it on Alexa's tumblr. It resonates as SEXY to me. Good night.

Best friends

(song for this post is Annie, Let's Not Wait, by the Guillemots. The album version is actually better, but this is a good start. It's addictive and yummy. 2:48 Annie Annie Ahh ahhh ahhh ahhhh has been running through my head all day.)


So I had my reading with Astrologer Dawn last night. It went really well and I am encouraged that things will be just fine for me and the kids. I just need to get Keefe into counseling which I had already planned to do. She's going to send me the names of a couple child psychologists she recommends. She commented that the kids are very different and have nothing in common in their charts. I would definitely agree and that's what makes them so fun.

She shocked me about 45 mins in and told me that I would be married again in 2 to 3 years.

(pause)

"REALLY?!" was my response. I hadn't really considered that so early.

"Yes yes yes yes!" was her reply while she flipped more cards(seemed sort of sure of herself). I was sort of quiet. "He'll be your best friend and will either own his own company or manage a really large company. He'll travel a lot and sometimes you'll go with him and sometimes you won't. He'll understand you need to stay home with the kids. He will likely have a house in another state and you'll visit for 2 weeks or so then he'll go back. It will work really well for you and there will be lots of travel."

(silence from me)

"But you're definitely going to get married again and you'll be HAPPY. Happy happy."

Well, ok.
I felt strangely good about that. It's nice to know there's someone out there waiting to meet YOU. I was so caught off guard I didn't think to ask if it was someone I already knew. I think I'll reply to her email with the psychologist suggestions and ask. Maybe she'll check again.

She was very clear that I am NOT AVAILABLE for the next year. I should not be trying to get into a relationship because I am NOT AVAILABLE. I need to just have fun. "And if a 22 year old comes up and just wants to have sex, do it." Well ok then. Kinda what I was looking for (and forward to). So that sounds perfect. I need to take the next year and just focus on Shanley and what Shanley needs and what makes Shanley happy.

And have lots of sex.
: )